Saturday, October 2, 2010

Room For Change: Independent or Dependent Retirement Communities?




My world was opened wider this week as I had the priviledge of speaking to    several gatherings of seniors within their community space in their retirement facility.  A few inquiring residents also lead me, after the session, to see their efficiency rooms and offer some consult or advise. It was an honor to be invited.
Design for me is letting the personal touch speak and leaving space open for future objects, ideas and activities to casually find their way into that existing space.
Three of the communities gleamed or highlighted at least one design element of importance to me. Not all of them felt like “ home” to me. We,as a society, are evolving in our concept of home and I hope the residences of our seniors are on the top of the list!
     One community I visited had a very open eating area, mail center and activity center.  Anyone walking into the facility was enveloped in some kind of activity center. Coffee and tea was laid out with colorful flowers surrounding it and antiques of different genres donned the walls and display shelving.   A fireplace created a reading nook within the eating space. The same space was used 3 times per day for resident meals. Physically it felt that forward movement was being made.  Staff was seen in the periphery, in their offices, almost like a second thought with no formal area of reception for residents or guests.
 The second community’s walls were hung with framed  prints of the 1970’s era with washed out blue and pink ghost- like images.  The old wicker furniture with thin calico fabric seating welcomed you into the residence facility which also had sterile hard surfaces of brass, glass and a “retro” Florida feel. Although the facility was overused, outdated and worn out in its appearance , the residents seated in the entry were engaging with one another and guests as they entered. A mid morning snack was being served up  by the manager and other residents were busy searching on a property , participating in scavenger hunt. In the adjacent room several women were playing dominos and others reading the paper.  The activity director was moving about and  volleying the questions about the hunt and the prizes.   As I say in my book, “ All motion is good motion” and this is what was felt.  The community spirit was moving and provided opportunities for additional personal movement and choices.  The once drab environment I had placed myself into was now alive with the energy and interaction of others.  I felt a part of their shared circle.
    A third community carried me in with anticipation of at a personal valet arriving any minute to carry my suitcase onward and then off to prepare me a table for tea. Washed with light  from the roof to floors below and the furnishings were well proportioned to the space and new.  The colors were vivid. Ambient lighting and textural elements lent a very soothing and fresh feeling. The atrium was being actively used for exercise class and yoga followed in another space within a half hour. The residents seemed more reserved with less personal interaction, but they were spread out in a larger facility compared to the second one that I visited. Most of the activities were taking place in gathering rooms located on the second level.  Residents’ rooms required that they take a short walk under a covered outside promenade to reach their them, allowing a short connection with the outdoors as they went to meals or activities.
Comparing the three, where would I l choose to live?  Where would I like to see members of my family engaged and needs tended to?
Number One: Was open and created space for activity
Number Two: Was very dated and worn from daily use  but was lively as the residents were lively and interactive
Number Three: Was open, light and new. Color and nature abounded.
The elements I would consider besides the ones I listed above are the following :
Staff awareness of guests and residents. Highly interactive communication skills.
Floor plan that allows for multiple purpose space use, with areas that can be changed out easily for purpose and activity.
Nesting areas within community space for individuals to seek a private space outside their own room.  This can encompass outside seating or viewing areas.
Light, both natural and artificial and  textural interest and color
Clean setting
 Furnishings that are comfortable and easily cleaned
Nature, including trees, flowers, gardens and water feature... patio or outside space for everyone.
 Allowance of personalization in private rooms. Color choice for rooms especially walls. Many facilities will not permit the residents to paint.  Why not have facility staff be required to do it as an additional fee? Paint is the easiest to redo and least expensive. ( Think of the cost these residents pay each month for their units to the cost of paint and labor with move in and move out.)
Other suggestions I could envision:
Built in shelving units or recessed. There would be no need to have shelving into the rooms and chance of bookcases or shelving toppling over..  It would provide for more floor space for mobility.   Adjustable shelving for TV unit could be included in such a unit as well as recessed desk area for computer or other needs.
Option on some eating arrangements. Possibly breakfast basket delivered to room 2 days per week. Somewhat like a B and B, so that residents did not have to get dressed every morning to go down to eat. ( The rules of do’s and don’ts can become rattling for some with  the sense of losing most independent choices.)
So if I could NOT change anything ( and you know I would not be able to stop myself from moving things around or cleaning it up!!! ) I would place myself within the second community , where people interacted and were individually recognized,where staff was part of the daily flow and not behind the scenes and unseen.
Next I would form a committee from the resident pool to assist in updating their community.  They could donate furniture or artwork.  They could help clean. They could participate in tending to a community garden.  When I asked the first community of residents, what was the hardest part of moving into a independent retirement community, one woman stated that is was being bored.She continued by saying that everything is done for them so there is nothing to do on a daily basis.   Why not have help setting tables? or creating some fresh flower arrangements?  If I see any more dusty silk plants and flowers in these facilities I will do something drastic! Why not have a thrift store of household items that the residents donate and service with funding going to facility improvements, guest speakers or other activities.
Yes, there are ways to make our seasoned change to retirement communities easier and more fulfilling.  Think about how you would like to live when you become a part of this population.
When you visit such a community offer suggestions in writing or ask if they have considered options that you would find helpful for yourself or others.
With the senior population on the rise, now is time to offer some change in perspective within these communities.  Step inside and see what you would like to create your senior home , a haven.
Help your friends and family address these often neglected and hidden thoughts about senior adult living.  There is room for change in all things and senior housing is a great place to make an impact.   
Which community described would you choose if the choice awaited you?

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Room for Change: Resting on Your Laurels in Grief

 
So where do all those timeless sayings come from?  My grandmother’s was.”It all comes out in the wash” and other colorful ones that may be inappropriate  or too graphic to put into black and white in this blog.  Without saying something directly, these sayings created picture perfect references within the mind.
My creative mind loves pictures and “resting on your laurels” came to me today as a busy weekend, not filled with rest, fell to the wayside and a new week begins. The “to do’ list emerged and before the pencil hit the paper, I paused.  Had I not accomplished enough over the weekend? Might this Monday be a Monday of no momentum but rather that of magical moments of rest.
Another saying that surfaced was : All work and no play, makes Johnny a dull boy”  What?  What do either of these have to do with grief, which seemed to be on my mind again?
I had just spent the weekend with 150 widows, some seasoned in their widow walk and others just taking their first steps.  They were enthusiastic to hear creative and inspirational stories about others’ journeys, but most felt their own laborious and lumbering.
During grief, because there is so much unchartered territory to traverse  and new responsibilities to handle, one is often overcome with depression, fatigue, lack of sleep and lack of focus.  It can seem like every waking minute is spent doing and the learning new tasks. The energy required to  evolve into new roles is never ending.
I can remember crying about a potential stain on my kitchen counter, shortly after my spouse died, as it was just one more thing I felt I had to tackle immediately. I was at a breaking point and felt I had lost control of any normalcy.
Place PLAY in your new normalcy.  Place PAMPER in your new normalcy. Place PAUSE in your new normalcy.
Suggestions for placing the above in your new life might include
  • Swinging in the park or on a  front porch swing
  • Blowing bubbles and observing the breeze in action and the rainbow of colors      
               unfolding before your eyes
  • Packing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and Oreos and going on a picnic
  • Flying a kite with a child or another adult friend( that way someone else can chase   
               after it.)
  • Taking a bubble bath with a new fragrance 
  • Getting a manicure or massage
  • Perusing magazines at the library, then a subscription for yourself
  • Taking an afternoon nap on the sofa or hammock with no phone available
  • Getting a carryout dinner delivered to you and asking a friend to join.Have them bring the dessert!
PLAY, PAMPER AND PAUSE,  your new found friends in your new normalcy,will help to balance and bring  energy and insight into new tasks.Building your new life, requires rest from the sometimes overwhelming unimaginable tasks.  Oh, yes, I almost forgot,” Rome was not built in one day”! You too are an architect of a lasting and beautiful life.  Go get that toga and partake of some pleasures today!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Room for Change: Recreating a Rhythm in Loss

Benjamin Franklin's Schedule

Nature is full of rhythms. Our lives are full of rhythms. The ones closest to us awaken us when we are busy and shake us up when they take on a different pulse. Our heart rate may soar and our respiration accompany it. Our eyes see some pending emergency and our body races to respond to it with adrenaline and action.  
In loss and grief we are our bodies are often working on this edge of heightened awareness and activity.  Our bodies and mind coordinate to move us down the road and accommodate the change in our routine, schedule or outlook.

As time passes however our bodies need renewal.  Just as I have written about in my book , Room for Change, some things about change have been hard for me personally.  De cluttering ( or Destacking as it is) and now setting a schedule for myself.

My schedule has been a non schedule , with the freedom of time in my widowhood and empty nest phase of my life, very open.  Much of my time is "free" with non scheduled activities. That has proven a blessing and a curse for my personality.  Creativity may abound in me, but I may start too many projects at once. Flexibility may arise as well, but I feel there are no "have to's " in my loss. Accountability may be sacrificed as well.  The accountability is to myself as well as others.

Benjamin Franklin's daily schedule is shown here, with it's simple yet profound rhythm.  In loss, if we can find a rhythm that supports us in our changes, time will certainly be full in both growth and nurturing of our body and mind.

As I write this , I am sitting on my sofa with my dog at my side procrastinating about my body's need to hit the gym or sidewalk this morning.  In loss, scheduling time for yourself can be a new found activity. Schedule it in your day. Create a rhythm that takes you places within and outside yourself.
Nurture your nature in loss and recreate a rhythm that supports you today.

And one more thing, as Ben himself writes on his daily schedule, "What good have I done today?" Remembering being good to yourself counts as well!  I am getting off the sofa right now, I promise!





                                             Room for Change: Practical Ideas for Reviving After Loss





Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Room for Change: Facing Your Change and Value(s)




Recalling what we were before a significant loss is ingrained within us. How often have I said, " I am not strong" and others say "Look what you have done or accomplished within the last 6 years." It will be 6 years this month that my husband died, followed by the passing of two brothers in law and then my father. Change and internal turmoil and chaos were the norm.

In loss and grief we have the chance to re-evaluate how we define ourselves as well as our relationships with others. Your set of friends may change.  The places you frequent may change as well.  Most of the time may be spent at home ands that is why I am such a big advocate of making your home supporting for you. I remember being so mad at "friends" that were not friends after the death of my husband, but then again I try to remember the ones that became closer and  the ones that supported my change especially during my initial volatility.

Your life values may change in loss and what you personally value in life may follow suit. It may feel dark and lonely in the beginning but doors open and sometimes by unexpected strangers that help with your personal change and support.  Be kind to yourself.

Honor your change as you would honor the growth in someone else.  You might be surprised what you have become! (stronger and wiser in the least)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Room for Change: Touching and Handing It Over

This artist's work is not only beautiful but she adds her words in black and white to give us an insight into her ideas and herself. During grief, expression is often dampened by depression, mental and physical fatigue and the consistency of inconsistency. Grief may pull us inward into a spiral of "what ifs'", "if only", "how come?" and" will it ever end "scenarios.

Feeling the need to be needed may also run astray. Our gift of healing touch may seem not needed now if we have been the caretaker of our loved one, but this is the time when others's hugs, others need to nuture us in grief can be a light in the day. The critters in your household may sense your loss as well and this is a time to remember them with your touch.

Pardon the pun, but "handing over" some of your changing responsibilities in grief may feel as if you are losing even more control in your loss. Pass the buck from time to time. Express your desires when the willingness in others arises to lend a helping hand . Remember they are often "clueless" about the changes you are facing as well and may need suggestions from you.

The artist of the hands above also places in her artwork the words, "you are beautiful" and " i have small scars here from art and living." We are all scarred from time to time but heal with touch. We are all beautiful in a patchwork of different colors and gifts. We are all here to give a hand to those in need. Remember to reach out to others as they extend their hand to you.
It's like a handshake and mutually beneficial.


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Room for Change: Honoring Yourself



honoring yourself
you honor others
this started the journey

capturing thoughts in
black and white and
momentum builds

pensive posture moves
into action with
webs forming
which to seek?
which to hold onto?

balance is perfect
neither right nor left
neither up nor down
neither highs nor lows
neither black nor white

balance just is
we are just

combining balance within us is perfect
perfect-just as you are

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Room for Change: The Book


Grief allows people, places and circumstances to change. The change not always wanted, the change not always feeling needed.

Loss of my husband and other dreams culminated in a grief recovery book. Finding myself with several losses at one time, buoying myself up was the hardest thing to do. Contemplating myself as ordinary with little to offer and my dreams dismissed , I looked to ease the pain of others to make myself feel better. I now know with the completion of the book, Room for Change,that much of my healing was my self preaching, my reaching out to others for help and having the confidence and sometimes the innocence to keep moving and adapting in the turmoil I felt.


The book is launched today. The book is available here.I was launched into this venture 6 years ago this month with the death of my husband. I wonder what other changes will come my way within the next 6 years? Ready or not, here they come and I am indebted to so many people who listened to my vision and encouraged me.

I am pleased and excited with the reviews that the book is receiving. One funny and revealing review is by Les Morgan of Growth House Inc. http://growthhouse.typepad.com/les_morgan/2010/06/room-for-change-by-susan-w-reynolds.html

Take a peak at his candor and humor. That is what change and grief are about. Looking at ways to move through the sometimes ridiculous scenarios with grace and lightness.

To all of you that helped my light shine in the darkest days, this is for you.

Please tell me what you feel about the book and what more it could contain or questions you have. I am pleased with the change in me through this project and keep those reviews coming.

Blessings.. Susan