Pinnacle

Reaching
Grasping
The pinnacle was
within reach
not procurred

Unsettled and lacking
the whispy image remained
the flag waving
the summit almost reached

I saw it
I felt it
It was elusive

The pinnacle is Now
Forgetting I was here now
I slipped further down
the mountain side
in the dust of slippery soil

Remembering each moment
is the pinnacle

Remembering each struggle
each person, each heartfelt moment brings
me closer to You

The height is here
The pinnacle is now
No more sliding
There is nothing to climb Now

Across the Playing Field

Walk me?

They came walking across the field
another obstacle to avoid

I hesitated
Make contact?
Pretend I did not exist?
Make myself invisible?
Shrink within as I had done for so many years?

Both parties continued
My border collie advancing to discover her young lab
on the playing field                                
I retreated to the side lines
Someone might remember me and glide a ball over                        
 I would not be in the way of the real action.  Like Life.
What would I say anyway?

This was different.. Her dog in youthful frolic
begged to meet us
Her dog knew no stranger ,
only oneness with another dog.
Her owner smiled. I smiled back.
We both retreated a bit then headed towards each other.
The dogs played in unsymmetrical balance... attack and retreat with total JOY

Our own conversation grew.  No arrogance, No separation.  Sometimes a smile.
Sometimes a head nod.  Within minutes we too found a new friend.
A friend whose previous attacks no longer served them.  An understanding
that it is perspective of all life.   A gentleness in the gregariousness of life and happenstance.
Yes, we both found JOY.

We had no expectation to meet.  Our expectation was to tire out our dogs.
The field was flooded with JOY

Wonder filled and grateful we all left the field together.  Now we cannot wait to have the dogs drag us  back again!

We are blessed!        Dedicated to R and A... You know who you R!  :)

Rounding the Corner

I write in my sweaty workout clothes after the early fall walk with my dog Radley.  Through my grief, my inner exploration and reinvention of self, my dog has been my " steady".  Not only did he sleep and follow me around, he rode on long rides, waiting endlessly at times to eat and be walked.  He listened to me talking aloud to myself and made no mind of it.

Radley also changed gears and began shaking uncontrollably a month before my cancer diagnosis this past year.  I took him to the vet to get him checked out for it  and then he rode me with for another mammogram and the diagnosis. After surgery he remained with me on my bed until I arose, whether 8am or 11am. Some dog.

Now we both are back to " normal", rounding the corner of summer into fall, feeling the breeze and the crispness begin to creep in as well.

I am thankful to feel so good today after so many years of struggling to "be me" since the loss of my spouse and the loss of my so called life or existence. 

  Thanks Radley, so sticking by me , in thick and thin and walking the lines!  We are in the homestretch and it feels GOOD. 

Unravelling of Life...My Sweater

The sweater clothed me

It sheltered me daily
It covered my wounds
It kept me safe
It was comfortable

The occasional yarns that dangled
or sprout forth
Were quickly yanked away or shorn down
No need for them.  What I had
clothed me

One day Father Jim hugged me
A priest on a airplane ride
I was always afraid of priests

His Mr. Rogers sweater was pilled and
heavily laden with miscolored shreds
from travels
 bumping up
against rough surfaces, forests of stray colors
and threads lay pocketed

My gleaming bracelet within the hug
caught his sweater
As I struggled to release it , the threads on his sweater pulled longer
He stood still in my struggle
Non engaged, yet engaged in my folly of struggle

I stopped.  The bracelet released.
The yarn retreated.  Another point on his road mapped
sweater

My sweater
It covered only wounds...my healing was not visible
My sweater
It was safe... but not engaging with others
My sweater
It was comfortable.... from what I knew of the past
  Yes.It was comfortable.... I let no one in, nor let new things sprout

So now... a new sweater... certainly!

Now I notice it's imperfections and am in awe of the perfection in us all when we rest
in our heavenly grace and uniqueness.
No need to struggle... All the threads are woven together. Unravel your perfection! You will find your wounds healed!!!

My Muse

He appeared on my right

He appeared as a light
An airy spectacle
in an ordinary space

He was elusive and
remains that way
Trying to catch him
he only smiles and charms
Dangling
 a portion
of what lies dormant in me

Must I turn over and over again
to grasp that which is within?
Must I covet that which I already posses?

My muse, My God
How great thou Art

Spirited

Spirited Silence
Recognize the grandness of Peace

Awaken opportunities fragmented by time
Delight in the consequences of spiritual stillness

Hour by Hour by Hour

Waiting to finish the meal and re-enter my silent abode
in retreat
Removing my dance shoes and putting away my dance card

I am home

Just Words Connection

Gift, Understanding, Cooperate, Genocide, Baffle, Esteem, Timeless
Existence, Terrify, Truth, Tarry, Not, Gratitude, Abundant, Relinquish, Guest


This is the gift.  To understand and flow with the Giver of all things. It is destructive to be baffled by your worth, for it is timeless.  Do not fear the truth, nor delay in praise and thanks for the abundance therein. The guest arrived and it is You!