Reconstruction

A harsh and ardent word to use.  It delves into the presence of thinking that what worked is no longer present either physically or psychologically. The need of reconstruction may be laid upon us by others , being out of style within our outer or inner worlds.

It hit me like a metal bolt grazing a bright yellow construction helmet , so quiet and yet  jarring that this  is what I am,,, under construction, restricting from the framework that fed my soul and my logistics for quite a long time.  Even in my healing process from person, place or things , I have been like a sculpture adding wet clay to the already formed figure unable to pinch off pieces that no longer serve my form or effort. It hit me that my framework may be totally whole as it is and the finishing touches are already present around me…the presence of friends, books, family ties, travel or dipping into a different environment. Their presence may be in nature, in children or  ideas floating ghostlike in the universe.

This is not a time of tearing apart my body and soul in reconstruction. Lingering in thoughts of where to go, what to do, whom to be as I near the age of suggested retirement is not fruitful.

It dawned on me, this Saturday afternoon as the blistery wind tossed the crispy leaves in circles and lines across my yard, that I can start fresh now.. I am not dormant  or crinkled waiting for “something to speak to me” ,rather I can build  with  seeds already present.  I am not static but sliding on a course unknown with a changing body and fruitful presence .

Construct rather than reconstruct. Yes, Construct.  Going forward rather than feeling inadequate in one's present state.

  This is the day that the Lord has made ( is making) let us rejoice and be glad in it.