Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Autumnal Equinox Afternoon

It is that time of the day when small swirls of leaves dance beneath overfilled gutters and the sun peaks around a cloud only to retreat within seconds.   You could be wearing sandals or sneakers , eating watermelon or tomato soup.  It is a reflective time.. the pause that punctuates where your heart and soul will remain.

It is that time of year when the overly zealous clamour, “ Is it over already, where did the summer go?”  The picnic basket and coolers, the kite and frisbee, still sitting on the upper shelf waiting for someone to teeter on tiptoes to reach them and add some more smudged marks.

It is that time of the day that sways towards night.  It will be only a few weeks before the school bus and its squealing brakes drop off 
the enthusiastic participants of the day at dusk. With their crunched and marked up papers the troupers will splay out like a jar of jam dropped on the floor.

It is that season in my life this Autumnal Equinox , when I slow down but not from too much sun, rather probably not enough laughter.   It’s that season when my outer layer of dermis, sags and speaks of bumping into things and years without sunscreen.  My legs and mind spin forward to the winter to come and inquire how might this point of gravity be received.  Yes, I do not cherish autumn. It is not the autumn of my youth, with its sugary treats and galloping ghouls.  I crave that youthful anticipation.  A warm bath with epsom salts and a few drops of essential oils treat my fall as I  cocoon into winter and maybe a gluten free pumpkin pie with half the sugar.  I lament this passing of summer to fall and I have since I was a child.This year heaviness weighs me down a bit more than usual. What have I wasted besides calories these past autumns?  Is it any different?  I suppose the grading of my papers with my inherent worry of success would be one, but now I sit and worry will my legs and energy take me where my heart wishes to go and where my slightly fogged vision views on the horizon.

Autumn for me is acceptance,  my greatest lesson this year. The brittle leaves, the stained concrete and shortened days are not too dissimilar from my osteoporetic bones and bruised body from “ personal training” and my less than expedient morning risings when it feels like night and the furnace flames are slowly surging

“They say” there is a reason for every season and so I look to this autumn to reveal to me my reason for forging ahead like the child seeing Halloween candy in September .

How will I treat myself this autumn?  How will I engage outwardly in community when hibernation  inward feels so normal ?  How will I express my inward failure to jump into fall like I bound into summer?

These words begin my transition to a different fall in my life and an evaluation of the ceremonies I have placed on my calendar.  Perhaps this Autumnal Equinox is the perfect time to revisit “ equal light and dark” and not the time to snuff out the candle so soon.

Nature’s cycles are amazing and forgiving, each proud of its place in the circle and not demanding of past or future.  This autumn is for acceptance in all forms of body, mind and spirit, knowing I cannot transition when alone on this course, but allowing all that is to find its perfect place.    

Friday, September 18, 2015


Imagine the possibilities
The tender tendrils sliding
silently along the wall and
out the door

Knowing that the unknown
Yet receptacles waiting to receive and tethering tendrils
go before

This structure
these tiny treasured
movements, creating an environment of
Trust and Acceptance

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Writing from Nowhere

Write, they say?
What? I ask

So many clusters of ideas and promises
Floating in my head

Why pass them to my fingers?
The extentions  of me that waiver with pen
that glaze over the  keyboard with tendency

Perhaps it is time to release the cloistered images
Propel them out to the nothingness from which they came
Letting new life and fantasies birth
in my
old hands
and old frames of reference

Today I write
About what ? they ask
About nothing, I say

The nothingness that permeates creation

Saturday, March 14, 2015


My fine roots whispy
Slippery muddy water and silt
steady my pace
Ground me in their essence

No difference between soil and heaven
bending and blending like shifting clouds
and darting schools of fish in turquoise water

My stalk is segmented
Not in the way of an etching or tearing points
but one lifts the other higher and at the same time
pulls the other tenderly downward

We clump together and spread breath and height
not within our own bodies but within our Oneness

Bending, limping, sprouting and dying into our shelled empty cores

There is no loss
There is no gain
It happens because We are bamboo
Resilient, flexible , true to our own nature

I am bamboo because of You, because of We

Friday, September 26, 2014

Lightness within Darker Days

It’s that time of year again when weather changes; light changes and layers come out to keep us warm.  It’s that time of year again when traditions and aromas of childhood and warmth fill the stores and environments we occupy.

Maybe this time, the past traditions and changes  don’t fit our outlook of life woven with loss or grief. Our pockets may be laden with heavy loss.  Another change?  What can we do for ourselves as autumn shifts from the sunny days of summer to the shadowing and hibernating days of fall and winter?

 In loss, one often has “ rolled with the punches” long enough.  One has held a stiff upper lip and smiled with uttered condolences when all one wanted to do was scream like the costumed children that will soon be at your doorstep (and not the good kind of screaming with joy).

 Routine in loss can help to lessen the blows of change.  Old routines may not foot the bill but adding a different rhythm may. Below are a few suggestions that helped me after the death of my spouse.  I sought refuse through the winter with the following.  See if any strike a cord with you or if you can find a way to tweak the ideas to create a “ temporary routine” in this transitory time.  Your personal space, where you take yourself and what you place around yourself is a powerful tool in transition and healing.

Start the day with artificial sunlight.  Phillips’ go Lite is compact for travel and 15 minutes of exposure while checking emails or eating breakfast will cast potential doldrums away and help with body clock for the evening’s sleep.

Add some Chai tea or aromatic tea to create a soothing sense of home or comfort. Buy yourself a new mug with a daily affirmation or a new pattern that attracts you.

Light a candle in your personal space as a daily ritual. Essential oils are also an easy and economical aromatic tool to peak your performance or calm you down.  You may discover your senses have changed as well.

Hang crystals in the windows to catch daily sun. They create unbridled movement and unexpected play when you may not “feel” playful. Mobiles hanging from the ceiling can provide the same with a gentle breeze from a heating register or overhead fan.

Volunteer with children or take classes with people you do not know. Why?  No expectations!  You can tell your story if you want, but a fresh page requires nothing but you showing up in the form you are now.  Children and toddlers are a physical and mental refresher.

At bedtime, a new cozy robe, slippers, bedside journal and book.  These are something someone can gift to you as well.  A simple
 routine of warm milk and honey or chamomile tea and biscuit may nurture the evening and be can be an empowering new routine.

Remember your dormant resiliency. Nutrition for yourself can be found in a new routine. This is a time of storing for spring’s green growth and your own new buds.

What can you imagine?   Just add one ingredient.   Looking forward to the sprouts!

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Perception Down Under

I arrived in Belgium on 9-11, a visitor in a foreign country during a tragically tumultuous time of loss and confusion.

Last week I awoke in Australia to another civilian disaster with the same ingredients linking global grief and sorrow.  Outcries once again echoed across borders.

The television reports in Australia were somber and as factual as possible.  I was overwhelmed by the lack of “ finger pointing” and their grieving words.  This is a country of adventurers and mavericks.  Travelling is in the genes of the Aussies, encouraged by the surrounding seas.

The perspectives from “ Down Under” touched me.  The reports did not blaze away with contempt for the hundreds of countrymen lost.  They spoke of the Lost Souls.  The word soul was repeated. There was solace in that word for me and for the lives terminated so suddenly.

Reporting was compassionate and sensitive.  Loss was expressed not only for Aussie countrymen but also for all and for lost dreams.  Filtering through this “Down Under” lens of loss I sensed and experienced a reverence of explorers and deeply connected souls.

Globalization struck a new chord for me that day.  It started with the letter “C”.  Compassion without borders and communication without brisk judgment.

May we celebrate every day with personal peace while remembering our connection beyond manmade territories.


Tottering on the platform
The metal edge dented and pitted with decisions
She balances between
and propulsion

Looking to the left and right
provides no clues
She dances within
whirling in place
Her pinnacle
Her trademark in this moment

Mesmerized in its highlighted
presence upon her