Thursday, August 12, 2010

Room for Change: Resting on Your Laurels in Grief

So where do all those timeless sayings come from?  My grandmother’s was.”It all comes out in the wash” and other colorful ones that may be inappropriate  or too graphic to put into black and white in this blog.  Without saying something directly, these sayings created picture perfect references within the mind.
My creative mind loves pictures and “resting on your laurels” came to me today as a busy weekend, not filled with rest, fell to the wayside and a new week begins. The “to do’ list emerged and before the pencil hit the paper, I paused.  Had I not accomplished enough over the weekend? Might this Monday be a Monday of no momentum but rather that of magical moments of rest.
Another saying that surfaced was : All work and no play, makes Johnny a dull boy”  What?  What do either of these have to do with grief, which seemed to be on my mind again?
I had just spent the weekend with 150 widows, some seasoned in their widow walk and others just taking their first steps.  They were enthusiastic to hear creative and inspirational stories about others’ journeys, but most felt their own laborious and lumbering.
During grief, because there is so much unchartered territory to traverse  and new responsibilities to handle, one is often overcome with depression, fatigue, lack of sleep and lack of focus.  It can seem like every waking minute is spent doing and the learning new tasks. The energy required to  evolve into new roles is never ending.
I can remember crying about a potential stain on my kitchen counter, shortly after my spouse died, as it was just one more thing I felt I had to tackle immediately. I was at a breaking point and felt I had lost control of any normalcy.
Place PLAY in your new normalcy.  Place PAMPER in your new normalcy. Place PAUSE in your new normalcy.
Suggestions for placing the above in your new life might include
  • Swinging in the park or on a  front porch swing
  • Blowing bubbles and observing the breeze in action and the rainbow of colors      
               unfolding before your eyes
  • Packing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and Oreos and going on a picnic
  • Flying a kite with a child or another adult friend( that way someone else can chase   
               after it.)
  • Taking a bubble bath with a new fragrance 
  • Getting a manicure or massage
  • Perusing magazines at the library, then a subscription for yourself
  • Taking an afternoon nap on the sofa or hammock with no phone available
  • Getting a carryout dinner delivered to you and asking a friend to join.Have them bring the dessert!
PLAY, PAMPER AND PAUSE,  your new found friends in your new normalcy,will help to balance and bring  energy and insight into new tasks.Building your new life, requires rest from the sometimes overwhelming unimaginable tasks.  Oh, yes, I almost forgot,” Rome was not built in one day”! You too are an architect of a lasting and beautiful life.  Go get that toga and partake of some pleasures today!