Saturday, November 19, 2016


A harsh and ardent word to use.  It delves into the presence of thinking that what worked is no longer present either physically or psychologically. The need of reconstruction may be laid upon us by others , being out of style within our outer or inner worlds.

It hit me like a metal bolt grazing a bright yellow construction helmet , so quiet and yet  jarring that this  is what I am,,, under construction, restricting from the framework that fed my soul and my logistics for quite a long time.  Even in my healing process from person, place or things , I have been like a sculpture adding wet clay to the already formed figure unable to pinch off pieces that no longer serve my form or effort. It hit me that my framework may be totally whole as it is and the finishing touches are already present around me…the presence of friends, books, family ties, travel or dipping into a different environment. Their presence may be in nature, in children or  ideas floating ghostlike in the universe.

This is not a time of tearing apart my body and soul in reconstruction. Lingering in thoughts of where to go, what to do, whom to be as I near the age of suggested retirement is not fruitful.

It dawned on me, this Saturday afternoon as the blistery wind tossed the crispy leaves in circles and lines across my yard, that I can start fresh now.. I am not dormant  or crinkled waiting for “something to speak to me” ,rather I can build  with  seeds already present.  I am not static but sliding on a course unknown with a changing body and fruitful presence .

Construct rather than reconstruct. Yes, Construct.  Going forward rather than feeling inadequate in one's present state.

  This is the day that the Lord has made ( is making) let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Thursday, July 21, 2016


the willow weeps for no one
laying roots
burrowing towards earth's center
leading us to water
bending gracefully
casting shadows
reflective light

no sacrifice
in its presence
abiding in its truth of stature
animals, people and soil's advantage
no giving up
rather giving
storms and thunder pierce
its sides
rampant heat curls its leaves
wearing away fresh color
into shedding piles of crushable

it feels no sacrifice
it feels its connection to all time
all conditions and withstands
in its power of giving

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Life for Sale.

His life was for sale, with an auction paddle and a promised check.

Holding the portfolio with its gray concrete pages laden with tissued drawings my heart accelerates, like pedestrians catching the flashing hand at an intersection.  Ready and fired up.

The dense well protected black leather binder, light under my fingers lept to life. Each page still vibrantly hand inked with interior designs, craftfully done.

Who was he? His portfolio, ascribed a B+. Other belongings were perched on top a splintered table and a pair of colorful and worn chairs along boxes without lids containing cufflinks brandished by wear
 and two watches catching the last breaths of bygone days.

Searching in a webbed world, unknown to him, I found him.  Mr. Watler of Gansevoort, New York and formerly of Beeker Street in New York City.

WWII honors
Bank clerk in NYC
Student of NY School of Interior Design
State Assessor, Albany, New York
Never Married
One cousin in Gansevoort, New York
All other relatives deceased

Grasping tenderly at his artwork and design, I imagine his designed life and wonder if anyone ever knew him like I do or cared so much about who he was.

His life was for sale at the auction. I held it in my hands for pennies on the dollar.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Letter from MIdlife Woman

I may appear tired to you
from the frenzy of thoughtless past

I may appear sad to you
from remembrance of sun filled days
of dance and drink

I may appear lost within the stillness
of my core
but none of these things are the truth within my field

The expectation of non commanded adventures
The pensive nature of being me
The restful body capturing light and energy for the next
frolic or peaceful glance

Yes, Midlife Man, I see you as well
a bit ragged, a bit lost
in thought

As circles penetrate each others circumference
there is motion,
there is dance, 
there is acceptance

I wish to collide with you, sliding the doors open to 
unforeseen vistas and quiet acknowlgement of living
living evermore in amazement 

This will come 
in unknown time
 I taste its richness and subtle tenderness

I am not tired,sad nor lost 

simply ready for the new etchings upon this life canvas