It is that time of the day when small swirls of leaves dance beneath overfilled gutters and the sun peaks around a cloud only to retreat within seconds. You could be wearing sandals or sneakers , eating watermelon or tomato soup. It is a reflective time.. the pause that punctuates where your heart and soul will remain.
It is that time of year when the overly zealous clamour, “ Is it over already, where did the summer go?” The picnic basket and coolers, the kite and frisbee, still sitting on the upper shelf waiting for someone to teeter on tiptoes to reach them and add some more smudged marks.
It is that time of the day that sways towards night. It will be only a few weeks before the school bus and its squealing brakes drop off
the enthusiastic participants of the day at dusk. With their crunched and marked up papers the troupers will splay out like a jar of jam dropped on the floor.
It is that season in my life this Autumnal Equinox , when I slow down but not from too much sun, rather probably not enough laughter. It’s that season when my outer layer of dermis, sags and speaks of bumping into things and years without sunscreen. My legs and mind spin forward to the winter to come and inquire how might this point of gravity be received. Yes, I do not cherish autumn. It is not the autumn of my youth, with its sugary treats and galloping ghouls. I crave that youthful anticipation. A warm bath with epsom salts and a few drops of essential oils treat my fall as I cocoon into winter and maybe a gluten free pumpkin pie with half the sugar. I lament this passing of summer to fall and I have since I was a child.This year heaviness weighs me down a bit more than usual. What have I wasted besides calories these past autumns? Is it any different? I suppose the grading of my papers with my inherent worry of success would be one, but now I sit and worry will my legs and energy take me where my heart wishes to go and where my slightly fogged vision views on the horizon.
Autumn for me is acceptance, my greatest lesson this year. The brittle leaves, the stained concrete and shortened days are not too dissimilar from my osteoporetic bones and bruised body from “ personal training” and my less than expedient morning risings when it feels like night and the furnace flames are slowly surging
“They say” there is a reason for every season and so I look to this autumn to reveal to me my reason for forging ahead like the child seeing Halloween candy in September .
How will I treat myself this autumn? How will I engage outwardly in community when hibernation inward feels so normal ? How will I express my inward failure to jump into fall like I bound into summer?
These words begin my transition to a different fall in my life and an evaluation of the ceremonies I have placed on my calendar. Perhaps this Autumnal Equinox is the perfect time to revisit “ equal light and dark” and not the time to snuff out the candle so soon.
Nature’s cycles are amazing and forgiving, each proud of its place in the circle and not demanding of past or future. This autumn is for acceptance in all forms of body, mind and spirit, knowing I cannot transition when alone on this course, but allowing all that is to find its perfect place.
